The power of growth is really coming to terms with who you are.
As I sit back and study the Word of God, one of my prayers lately has been, “God, reveal to me the things about myself that I don’t see. Show me the things I don’t recognize as a problem, the things I’ve overlooked, and the things I’ve become so comfortable with that I don’t even realize they need to change.”
When people who know me describe me, they describe me as genuine, empathetic, compassionate, trustworthy, and dependable. And those things are true. I know those qualities exist within me, but what I’ve had to realize is that there are also things about me that people can’t necessarily see from the surface. There are things I’ve had going on deep down inside that I had not really taken the time to acknowledge.
I realized that I was a gossip girl. I realized that I could be messy. I didn’t mind talking about my business, and if somebody was willing to listen, I was willing to talk. I would call it being transparent, but I had to ask myself if I was really being transparent or if I simply lacked discretion.
Because there is a difference.
I was opening myself up to receive advice from people who sometimes had no business giving me advice about certain situations. I was venting to people who didn’t necessarily need to know what I was going through. And in doing so, I was allowing my business to be in spaces where it didn’t need to be.
I had to be honest with myself about that.
I also realized that I had a lot of drama in my life. For a long time, I thought I was just dealing with people and the situations they brought into my life. But I had to take a step back and realize that some of the drama I was experiencing was connected to the decisions I was making and the things I was allowing.
The relationships I chose to entertain, the conversations I participated in, the things I repeated, and the personal business I exposed all played a part. I couldn’t keep looking at everything that was happening around me without taking the time to look at what I was contributing to it.
Sometimes we are so quick to talk about what other people are doing to us that we fail to recognize how we are participating in our own situations.
And that was a hard pill for me to swallow because it meant I couldn’t just point the finger at everybody else. I had to look at myself.
I also had to come to terms with the fact that there were areas of my heart that were wicked.
Now, I know that is not something most people want to say about themselves. We don’t like looking at ourselves in that light. When we hear the word wickedness, we often think of something evil or something extreme. But when you really read the Word of God, you begin to understand that wickedness can also be found in the things we do, the choices we make, the words we speak, and the ways we conduct ourselves when our actions are not morally right.
And I had to acknowledge that there were times when my own behavior was not right.
Proverbs 18:12 says, “Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honour is humility” (KJV).
That Scripture makes you think about the importance of humility. Sometimes, pride can keep us from seeing what is really going on within us. We can become so focused on what somebody else needs to change that we never stop to ask God what needs to change in us. We can justify our behavior, make excuses for our actions, and convince ourselves that we are not the problem.
But what happens when God begins to show you that there are things about YOU that need to change?
What happens when the very things you have been overlooking are the things that are holding you back?
I had to get to a place where I was willing to be honest about who I was, not just who people thought I was. And the truth is, I was a flawed person. There were times when my actions did not line up with the person I portrayed myself to be.
Now, that doesn’t mean I’m not genuine. It doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate, dependable, trustworthy, or empathetic. Those qualities are still a part of me. But I had to realize that having good qualities doesn’t mean there aren’t other areas of my character that need work.
We can have good intentions and still make bad decisions. We can be there for people and still have habits that hurt others. We can be the person everybody calls when they need something and still have things within us that need to be corrected.
And if we aren’t careful, those very things we keep overlooking can eventually destroy us, our relationships, our peace, and the growth we keep praying for.
So many times, I allowed my flesh to take over. I allowed my emotions, my reactions, and my own desires to lead me. But I had to ask myself, how could I keep allowing these things to have so much control over me?
The truth was, I wasn’t spending enough time in the Word. I wasn’t being intentional about allowing the Holy Spirit to work on me, renew my mind, change my heart, and help me become better.
I would claim the Lord as my Shepherd, but was I really allowing Him to lead me? Was I allowing Him to restore my soul, as His Word says in Psalm 23:3? Or was I continuing to do things my own way while expecting Him to fix everything around me?
I had to realize that I couldn’t keep asking God to change things in my life while refusing to acknowledge the things in me that needed to change.
And that’s where this journey became personal.
I know some people are going to read this blog and have different thoughts. Some may look at me differently. Some may say, “Wow, who am I really?” Others may say, “See, I knew she wasn’t all what people thought she was.”
And that’s okay. People are going to take what they take from this. But whether you read this and think differently about me or you read this and find yourself examining your own life, I hope something stays with you.
Because there is a seed being planted when we begin to talk honestly about the things we need to change. And what you do with that seed matters. You can take this message and use it to judge somebody else, or you can allow it to make you look at yourself.
You can spend your time trying to figure out who I really am, or you can ask yourself who YOU really are.
Because the truth is, we all have things within us that need to be confronted. We all have things we have overlooked, things we have justified, and things we may not even recognize as a problem until God brings them to our attention.
Sometimes, the very thing preventing us from growing is the thing we don’t want to admit exists.
It may be your pride. It may be your mouth. It may be the people you continue to entertain. It may be your inability to take accountability. It may be the way you react when you’re hurt. It may be the things you keep doing while convincing yourself that you have every right to do them.
Whatever it is, at some point, you have to be willing to face it.
And that is what I’m learning. Growth is not just about identifying what other people need to work on. It is about allowing God to reveal what I need to work on. It’s about being willing to look at myself honestly, even when what I see is not what I want to see.
I don’t want to just look like a good person. I want to continue becoming a better person. I don’t want to just be known for the good qualities people see on the outside. I want the things happening within me to line up with the person I say I am and the person I’m praying to become.
And that requires work. It requires honesty. It requires humility. Most importantly, it requires me to stop running from the things God is showing me about myself.
Because you cannot grow if you keep pretending there is nothing wrong. You cannot heal if you refuse to acknowledge what needs healing. And you cannot expect to move into another level of your life while continuing to hold on to the very things that are keeping you where you are.
Sometimes, the person you need to confront the most is not the person who hurt you, disappointed you, or did you wrong.
Sometimes, it’s you.
It’s the person in the mirror.
And until you’re willing to face that person, acknowledge what needs to change, and allow God to do the work within you, you will continue to struggle with things you have been praying to overcome.
The power of growth is not just recognizing who you’ve been. It’s being honest enough to acknowledge it, humble enough to surrender it, and willing enough to change.